I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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