nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
