i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
