I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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