I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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