moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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