So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
