So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
