I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
God, I missed his penis.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
