oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
