I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
