my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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