i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize