Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
