we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
