The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
