This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
