I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
