I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
there is glitter all over my balls
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