SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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