There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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