I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
