There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
