what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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