Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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