if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
