We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
