i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
