This is not my ceiling
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize