Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
