it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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