Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
