Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
