You're my little dorito
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
