I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
