my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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