Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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