Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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