I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
