Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
