You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
