It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize