:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
