Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
