I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
