I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
