Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
