the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
