it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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