Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
