my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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