Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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