The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
