they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
