# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sorry about my life...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
