God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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