just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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