If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
