I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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