have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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