the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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