yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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