this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
