I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
