I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
