i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
