I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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