oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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