No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
