Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
